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honestly, the moment meranti ended, i was relieved. finally i can enjoy that tiny amount of weekend that's left. not significant, but at least i can rest my feet. i don't know how i could survive the coming week without feeling completely burnt out.

meranti has been fun. the laughter, role play, mute games, and sharing was definitely what kept all of us going i guess. but the biggest take away, to me, was the honest and sincere feedback i have from them. i shy away from knowing others' perception of me. i always feel that there's nothing worth noticing about me, no outstanding qualities, no air of confidence or zest for anything. i am seriously just a girl next door. but wow, i am shocked to find out there's actually something positive about me.

they say i'm organised, calm, friendly, quietly confident, honest, genuine, and gentle. one said i have the teacher voice and soothes her nerves. i am flattered. but what struck me most was the point of quiet confidence. i hardly speak up in front of a large audience, she noticed, but when i did, it was smooth, and sincere, and my thoughts were well connected. seriously, i am not used to voicing out my opinions out loud. simple reason, i prefer to observe and reflect. i prefer to speak up only when i have the big picture, and sure of what my opinions truly are. furthermore, i don't think i have the confidence. i am not confident. haven't i always doubted myself even for the slightest of things. but to her, i exude a silent confidence, that is not perceptible to many, but it exists in me.

wow. i thought i suffer from low self esteem. but to think that someone could ever imagine me to be this confident is really flattering. perhaps she's right. i need to start believing in myself, and voice out. i do have the points, and my individual thinking, sometimes i really wish to share. but deep down, i am concerned with how people would react to my stand. would they mock me for my immaturity or over thinking? would they judge my character or personality?
perhaps, i am doing too much thinking for my own good.

i am good, i think i need to understand that. everyone has their strengths, including me. stop indulging in self doubt for god's sake. you are better than you think you are!