9

I will not be upset. i will not. if it means i have to resort to harsh measures, i have to.

it's not even meant to last. it's just a temporal relationship, i have known it all along. it wasn't meant to last, and this farewell is not unprecedented.

but,

they scrambled to me and squealed their goodbyes. i can't help, god damn it. I CAN'T STOP MYSELF FROM FEELING THAT EVEN SLIGHTEST TINGE OF SADNESS AND RELUCTANCE!! i really wish i could solidify my heart, and not be moved by anything they did.
it's harsh, but it's for my own good. why get so upset over something that i knew wouldn't last. why get so emotional over a farewell that is predictable!!

i hate saying goodbyes. i hate thinking and missing them even more.
so, i can't imagine what will happen tomorrow. like seriously, i can't even imagine!
will i cry? will i hug them?

when some asked me if i'm coming back to them, i was being very frank, no. i'll never ever come back. and it hurts me to even put these words out of my mouth, for i know at the bottom of my heart, i wish i could.

they are best i ever had.
and now i have to leave them, it almost felt a part of me was torn apart.
while walking home just now, i almost stopped to catch my breath. i was overwhelmed by the harsh reality, that really, this is the end. i won't ever get to see them again!

thus, i prefer not to take any class shots with them. it will further worsen the heartache. i wouldn't want to put myself through this. i'd rather not have any tangible momentos to remind me of how much i'm reluctant to leave them. i'd rather store everything in my mind, and it will only remind me how much i love my job.