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he lost so much weight. and he could no longer recognise me. perhaps for a fleeting moment, he did remember me. he just smiled at me, and i smile back. i haven't been this close to him before.

his breaths were weak, and his skin all wrinkled. he had to muster so much strength just to whisper into my ears. i couldn't help, but tears welled up. the scene was heart breaking. i could just cry, but i couldn't let him see my tears.

it then hit me.

i could lose him anytime.

it's scary to know, that any minute from now, he could be gone forever.

i could still remember he always brought kit kats for me during his visits. and i loved calling him cos he always had that endearing smile on his face.

but his smile today pained me. i may not be able to see this smile forever.

i lost so much time with him. guilt gnawed me. have i been too busy with my own life that i forgot about him? i realised, all that i experienced back then, was nothing, really nothing compared to all the emotions i feel now.

this is a life at stake, a life that i knew right from the day i was born. a life that i grew up with.

i pray that he'll be okay. i pray that i could have more time with him. i pray i could spend cny with him. i pray.

but i couldn't bear to see him suffer. perhaps, letting him go would ease the discomfort.

i don't know.

i just know that i'm afraid of losing him. i'm afraid of waking up the next day, not able to hear his voice, not able to see his endearing smile again.

i'm afraid of saying goodbye.

please, let me just have more time with him.